The Woman in my Mind
by Oh Baby
Summary: COMPLETE! Naruto loves her. She loves Naruto. God won't let them be together. How far will Naruto go to see her? Character death, suicide, but bittersweet ending![NarutoxKyuubi] [SasukexNaruto]
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto… sadly.

Warning: a lil' o' bit o' angst.

"Speaking"

"**Kyuubi Speaking"**

'_Naruto speaking to Kyuubi'_

"_Speaking in flashback"_

The Woman in my Mind

* * *

(Naruto P.O.V.)

Ever since I was younger, she was there.

She always listened. Well, I suppose she had to, but she gave me great advice, too.

I used to think of her as my mother. I used to think she _was _my mother, back before I knew who she was. She told me that no one would understand, that no one would accept us. I know I shouldn't love her, but you can't choose who you love, can you?

We'll never be able to be together. It kills me. I'll never be able to touch her, run my fingers through her long, silky, crimson hair. I'll never be able to wrap my arms around her and hold her close, or kiss her…

'_It's just not _fair_!' _I tell her.

"**There's just no way, Naru. The seal won't be broken any time soon. And what would the villagers say?"**

'_But they all get to be with who they love! They all have that…'_

"**I'm sorry. It seems to be a privilege, not a right, and I lost that privilege."**

'_If only there was a way.'_

(End Naruto P.O.V.)

* * *

_**FLASHBACK**_

"_She talks to me Sasuke," Naruto insisted._

_The young Uchiha rolled his eyes. "Naruto, you don't have a mother."_

_Naruto growled. "Yes! I do! I do have a mother, and she talks to me! Her name is Kyuubi. I wish you could meet her, but she only talks to me in my mind…"_

_The blond had no idea how stupid he sounded, but Sasuke, though he was only eight, knew what he meant._

"_Naruto. You're saying that _Kyuubi _talks to you? What does she say? Does she talk about the destruction of Konoha?"_

_Naruto's eyes widened. "Of course not! Kyuubi's my mother, she'd never do that! She's a good person!!"_

_Sasuke sighed. "Come with me, Naruto."_

_It was time to have a talk with Sandaime._

_**END FLASHBACK**_

* * *

(Naruto P.O.V.)

Why do I have to be the container? Why can't someone else be? Then, at least, I could sort of talk to her face-to-face. Right now, it's either me, or her.

I know what she looks like. I can see her in my mind. I know she's beautiful. She's many years older than me, but she really doesn't look it.

Why did I have to fall for her, anyway? Why couldn't I just have stayed in love with Sakura-chan, or another sweet girl that _isn't_ trapped inside of me.

It's so painful. To love someone, but never be able to be with them. It's like she's dead, but she's still there. It hurts even more, in a way.

Because she's in my mind, we won't be able to have kits. We won't be able to have a family. We won't be able to get married. We won't be able to live happily.

Why is God so cruel like that? Why does he punish me? Kyuubi repents her sins, she couldn't help it. She didn't mean to kill all those people. Now God won't let us be happy, even though he _knows _we have to be together.

* * *

**A/N: **

**Is this a weird pairing or what? I just like it… I'm weird, I know.**

**I got the idea for this about five minutes ago, and wrote it just now. Yeah, the time I spent on this one is _incredible._**

**Anyway, review. Tell me how amazing and/or horrible it is.**

**WAIT. Oxymoron. Never mind. Either amazing, or horrible. Yeah, it wouldn't work to be both. Maybe later I'll become God and make that a not oxymoron.**

**I need better grammar.**

**REVIEW!!**

**By the way, for any of you that are waiting for the next chapter of IWTOCTH, it's coming... soon…ish.**


	2. Hope

Disclaimer: -sigh- I've said this too many times. It hurts. Sorry lawyers, I don't own Naruto.

Warning: angst, shounen-ai (sorry, I had to. I mean really, it's ME we're talking about.), extremely slight language.

"Speaking"

"**Kyuubi Speaking"**

'_Naruto speaking to Kyuubi'_

The Woman in my Mind

* * *

(Naruto P.O.V.)

If I concentrate enough, I can pretend it's you. _You _holding me, _you _kissing me,_ you _whispering words of adoration.

I wish it _was _you, not him. Don't get me wrong, I love him, but over the years the romantic feelings towards him changed to brotherly love.

I don't love Sasuke the way I love you.

One day he'll find out. He'll realize that it's not him that I love, and that it's not me that he loves.

He'll discover that I'm hopelessly in love with the demon trapped inside me. He'll hate me, think I'm crazy, shun me, just like the villagers.

He'll stop talking to me. I'll have lost my best friend.

Maybe, just maybe, I _am _crazy. Maybe I shouldn't love you. Though that doesn't sound right, does it?

Me not loving you, it stings just to think about it. I'd be dead by now; I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Now that I think about it, you've kept me alive. All these years, you've been the only one that really could.

He's beautiful, though not as beautiful as you. I can definitely tell why I loved him so much in the beginning. I just hope he doesn't love me too much… I don't want to hurt him too bad.

He treats me so nicely, too. He tells me I'm perfect, and that there's no one else in the world that can make him as happy as I can. Well, I _do_ know that's true. He never smiles unless we're alone. Maybe he thinks he doesn't look good when he smiles? His smile is gorgeous. I've told him that, but he doesn't listen.

He's going to make someone really, really happy some day.

Yes, I do love him. I really do! I just feel so much stronger about you! And you can't be in love with more than one person, anyway. Right?

It's silly to think about something I've thought about so much already. He'll be okay, I know him. He's strong.

He _did _lose his whole family, didn't he?

I don't know pain like that. I just lost my father and mother, and I had never met either of them. I still don't even know anything about my mother, save she was the Yondaime's secret lover.

He went through a lot of things I can hardly bear to think of.

Of course, I've suffered through some tough shit. I _am _the vessel of _Kyuubi. _

You may not be villainous anymore, but _they _don't know that. I've tried to tell them. They don't care. They don't trust me, of course. I don't know how I could have ever hoped that they would listen. Only one person tried to understand that you aren't horrible. Only one person.

I hope he doesn't miss me toomuch when I'm gone.

I hope he can still be happy when I leave.

I hope he'll still smile the way he did for me when I'm done.

I hope he'll find someone he loves as much as me, maybe more than me.

It's stupid of me to hope so much. Where has hope got me so far? Nowhere.

I need to be with you, I'll do anything. Anything.

There's only one way, and it _will _work. I know it will! It has to; even God himself isn't that cruel…

…I hope.

* * *

**A/N:**

**Oh snappers! I updated. Like, whooaah…**

**Yeah, it's really short, but what do you expect? This _was _supposed to just be a oneshot, but I just got inspiration, and I was like, "Whoa, I should type it up and post that shit!"**

**So yeah, maybe one or two more chapters will be coming soon. Maybe even today :O**

**Also, sorry if it's sort of repetitive... I'm too lazy to go over it and check for repeats of lines and stuff… I really should do that, but again, I'm extremely lazy…**

**Besides that! Please, I'm begging you PLEASE review. Seriously, I'll update faster.**

**Ja ne.**


	3. The only way

Disclaimer: Of course I do! Why else would I be writing this? Seriously-- –gets picked up and drop-kicked by an angry lawyer-

Warning: language, angst, shounen-ai, suicide, character death (oh noes!)

NOTE: I'm really sorry! If you guys hate my for doing what I'm about to do, I deserve it! Don't worry though, there will be a bitter-sweet ending.

"Speaking"

"**Kyuubi Speaking"**

'_Naruto speaking to Kyuubi'_

The Woman in my Mind

* * *

"**Naruto, don't do it! It's not worth it!"**

'_Do you not love me? Do you not want to see me?'_

"**Of course I love you! I'd give everything to see you, _except_ this! Think of how many people will get hurt from this!"**

'_Think of how many people will be delighted, kyuu.'_

"**Screw them! This will ruin so many people's lives. Think of Sasuke!"**

'_Kyuu, this is the only way. Just trust me. Please!'_

"**Fine, Naru. I trust you. I just really hope this will work."**

* * *

(Naruto P.O.V.)

It's a good plan. I'm not saying it's perfect; it's far from it, actually. You were right about it ruining people's lives, however I can't do anything about that. It's their fault that they decided to warm up to me in the first place.

They should have known not to become friends with the Kyuubi's vessel.

They were stupid. They _must_ have known that I would resort to this eventually.

Now is eventually.

I didn't have any second thoughts.

I looked down at the kunai in my hand, completely ready to carry out my plan.

I sat down on the tiled floor of the bathroom. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and held the blade of the kunai to my exposed wrist. Slowly, I let the edge slice the skin cleanly, leaving a single slash on my tanned arm.

Usually I would wince in pain or hiss at the cool air hitting the wound, but not now. My whole body was numb. This must be your doing, I'm guessing. Keeping me from feeling the last pain I'll ever feel…

Warm blood flowed like wine out of the abominable gash. I hated it, but I didn't have a choice.

Slowly again, I held the kunai to the wrist of my other arm, and did the same.

Watching the blood gushing from my numb wrists, I couldn't help but smile. I'd see you soon. Really, really soon.

It would be perfect. A happy ending. Me and you, together, finally!

The only thing keeping me from being perfectly happy was one person – the one person that tried to understand me. I…

I'm leaving him… the only person he loves, the only person that can make him smile... is leaving him.

I am a monster. Why didn't you tell me? Why are you letting me do this?

It's too late now; I'm going to die.

I wish I could see him one last time.

I looked over into the mirror with some difficulty, and saw that I was completely pale. My skin almost resembled his, now.

Hot tears sizzled like acid rain down my cheeks as I realized exactly what I was doing. Why didn't I listen to you? You knew this was going to happen, why the hell didn't I trust you?

What's wrong with me?

I… I'm dying.

Everything is fading to black…. Good-bye, Sasuke. I love you.

* * *

(Sasuke P.O.V.)

This isn't happening.

It isn't. I'm going insane. I'm seeing things. Naruto would never do this.

I looked back down at the short note that I had found on the door. It had to have been him who had written it; after all, it was written in his chicken scratch handwriting, and he did sign it.

"_Dear Sasuke,_

_I don't want to do this to you. I really don't, but I have to. Please just understand, I don't really have a choice. I need to see her. _

_I love you, and I always will. Please, please don't let this ruin your life._

_Make sure to find someone else that makes you smile the way I do. You have a beautiful smile. You shouldn't hide it like that._

_I'll miss you,_

_Naruto."_

He has to still be alive. There's no way he can die, there's no way!

He wouldn't leave me… yet, he did.

I grabbed his hand to check for a pulse.

No pulse. This isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening, this isn't happening!

I fell to my knees and began to sob. Uchihas aren't supposed to cry, but fuck them, they're fucking dead anyway.

I clutched his shirt in my fists and screamed at the top of my lungs, hoping he'd wake up. He didn't.

He never will…

* * *

**A/N:**

**My God, guys I'm so sorry. I had to kill him, seriously! Don't worry, though, there will be a happy ending…ish.**

**So it's tomorrow and I said I would update today, but since today is today, I guess I'm not lying, but when I said it, I meant yesterday's today, and now it's yesterday's tomorrow.**

**-sigh- I'm gonna die from hearing myself rambling one day. **

**Anyways, REVIEW!**

**Ja ne.**


	4. Epilogue

Disclaimer: If I owned it, I wouldn't be writing fan fiction. Even if I would be writing fan fiction, I'd be too lazy rubbing the fact that I own Naruto in Masashi Kishimoto's face to do any writing.

Warning: Language, mentions of shounen-ai

The Woman in my Mind

* * *

(Naruto P.O.V.)

This is what I have always wanted.

To be able to touch her, run my fingers through her long, silky, crimson hair, wrap my arms around her and hold her close…

I cupped her face in my hands and leaned forward to give her a soft kiss.

This is what I had been waiting for.

It's like a dream. Everything's so perfect. Everything except…

…I'm dead.

I'll never see him again. He'll never see me again. Was it really a fair trade?

Maybe there was another way. Maybe I didn't have to die.

Why did I do that? He _loved _me. Hefucking_ loved me _for God's sake!

What the hell is wrong with me? Why didn't I listen to her? Why, why, why?

_Why_ do I do this to myself? I kill myself to see Kyuubi, and now I'd do anything to see Sasuke again…

Everyday, he used to tell me that he loved me. He would say that he wouldn't be able to live without me, and that if anything ever happened to me, he'd die.

How could I have been so stupid?

If I had just told him… he would have been able to help us. I don't understand how I could have possibly ever thought that he would hate me because of that. The three of us would have been able to think of a better way together. I could have lived!

The two of us could still be alive right now…

He's going to die.

Maybe if he does, I could see him again… Kyuu and I might run into him somewhere here.

Why am I thinking about this? I sound as if I want him to die. I don't! But… oh, I do!

It doesn't matter anymore.

What's done is done, there's no going back.

This is what I wanted.

This is our new beginning as not just mental, but finally _physical_ lovers.

Who knows? Maybe Sasuke will join us here some time soon…

**(( OWARI ))**

* * *

**A/N:**

**Creeeepppppyyyy!!!**

**I don't know, maybe it's just me, but did that ending seem creepy to you or WHAT? I think I'm messed up in the mind o.O**

**Damn.**

**And also, this is extremely short… but, eh, it's the ending.**

**HarukaHavok: I don't know if Kyuubi's actually a girl, but in this fic she is. :)**

**REVIEW!**

**Ja ne.**


End file.
